her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Text me some of your sweat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
