All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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