jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Congratulations! We have a period
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