remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
