I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
