TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
