I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
