I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
