I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
