What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
