is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
