cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
