Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
