I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
