I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
