i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
