Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
