Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
