i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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