Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My dick has a subreddit
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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