Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
