She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
