We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
