Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
