the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
