did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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