i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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