he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
