rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
