nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
