How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
