Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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