I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
