I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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