white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
