I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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