Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
