toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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