I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
