PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I would fuck him just for his dog
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
