Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
