Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
