Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
