Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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