would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
