I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
