I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
