You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
