i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
