I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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