Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
