I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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