I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
