dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
