I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize