When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
