if i died would you start the facebook group?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
