3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
