guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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