Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
