dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
