A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
