Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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